Monday, 5:48 p.m.
In remembering who I am, the hardest part is when I feel devalued and scoffed by others. I know that sounds very whiny and poor me. But, all people, experience at one time or another in their lives, if not on a daily basis, disregard. Some people react in a child-like or adolescent manner and become defensive. Some stuff the emotion down, like I do. I might briefly become enraged but then acquiesce to thinking, I don't amount to much so what does it matter. Hence, the offense and the emotion unacknowledged. When we are devalued, is it a degree of violence? According to one of my professors, the philosopher Emmanuel Levinas thought so. Levinas thought that even when someone smiles and says hello to another on the street and the gift of the greeting is ignored, then an act of violence (even though not overt) occurred. In the midst of our busy lives, and others we come across treat us rudely with ill regard or absentness of thought or care, is it a reflection of who we are as God's creation, or our value as a whole? Intellectually, I know the answer is no. In my heart, I don't always believe that's true. I grabble with how to deal with it.
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