Thursday, April 15, 2010

Journal Entry #3

Thursday afternoon, 4/15.

Being in the third year of seminary, I still feel lost of who I am and my capabilities, gifts and talents. Someone told me yesterday that I wanted another to tell me what to do. Is that indicative of losing my internal voice and confidence? Or is that indicative of being tapped out in energy, and pulled time and commitment. Until later...

For example in my passion of writing, my work only suffices upon the first draft with the verbiage to go along with it, "well, that will have to do." Before, I would spend days preparing a paper, and when I read it back again a year or months later, I re-witness my love for words and the craft of writing. Next, I realize this: it comes down to trusting my inner voice, it's still me, I remind myself. It also comes down to resting in the acknowledgment of God's calling of me...what is God calling me to do that leads to my purpose? I know it's about trusting this mantra that unites me to God with this refrain: I see God as Jesus sitting next me. He offers me reassurance of his comforting presence, his strength and his peace. It reminds me of his eternal love for me. One thing a friend said yesterday: She sees God in feminine form, as a mother. God, in her loving grace, she welcomes me home.

1 comment:

C. Beth said...

These are good things to consider, Laurel. Praying you'll know what you need to know, when you need to know it.