Forgiveness, Healing and Spirtual Abuse, or is it the other way around

My intention was to write with a little more frequency when I got the idea of my next writing series. Best laid plans of mice and men, as they say. School and busyness of papers and reading assignments take precedent; but when I woke up this morning and saw a post of a new blog I frequent, called the carnival in my head. The person who writes it is the co-pastor of a church called The Refuge in the Denver area. I've liked what I've read on it so far, and this morning was no exception. The writer, Kathy, talked about Spiritual Abuse and the pain people experience from bad church experiences, experiences from people. I can theorize through all I've read/studied in school on the reasoning, etc., but it's (Spiritual Abuse) an area that needs addressing. The pain is still real and raw in many circumstances. Kathy gives an account of one woman's story. It's worth a read, especially in light of the future posts I'm planning on diversity and learning from one another, incited from my friend Nikki's senior sermon. Click here to go directly to the post and let me know your thoughts.

You can win the Easiest/Best Bread Book ever!!

My friend Beth is having a contest to win a free copy of the book, Healthy Bread in 5 Minutes a Day!! Please visit her blog by clicking here!. She talks a bit about the book and her success with some of the recipes. She even puts a link to a video where you can try the bread making technique for free. To enter her contest, all you have to do is leave a comment and write down my name in the comment section that you found out about her contest through me. It's that easy. Hope you win. If I win, I just might share. :-). Good Luck!!

Park your donkey for a minute and look around.

I know, I know, it's been forever since I posted...part of the reason is because I wanted as many people as possible to see the first thing on my blog, my note titled, A Circle of Wisdom. (If you haven't read it yet, please take a moment to read it, or reread it, and give me any feedback that comes to mind. Your ideas are important to me.) So, I'm back from my hiatus from blog writing, and now I want to share bits and segments from my dear friend Nikki's senior sermon and my reflections upon it. Her sermon deeply moved me today for several reasons. The first reason was it's premise is near and dear to my heart. Namely, my focus of the importance of becoming united in our faith all the while keeping our diversity in tact; and seeing past the hurts and disappointments people, through the vehicle of religion, can exert on us . Impossible you might say...maybe not so much. I'm going to take this step by step. I'm going to include scripture, creeds, my understanding of what I learned in my New Testament class, and in my Old Testament class...what I learned in theology and from some of my favorite writers and poets. I might even end the series with a my own creed, and perhaps some of you can join in the writing of it. The title of this blog series, Park your donkey for a minute and look around.. This was a quote directly from Nikki's sermon and it stood out to me as a great play on words in light of the 1st century Christian juxtaposed with the 21st century person, Christian or otherwise.
The first thing to ponder: The pericope from Acts 2: 1-13, which Nikki's sermon was based upon. What does this passage mean to you? What words jump out? How does it apply to your life today?

Acts of the Apostles 2.1-13
The Coming of the Holy Spirit

2When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place. 2And suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. 3Divided tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. 4All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability.

5 Now there were devout Jews from every nation under heaven living in Jerusalem. 6And at this sound the crowd gathered and was bewildered, because each one heard them speaking in the native language of each. 7Amazed and astonished, they asked, ‘Are not all these who are speaking Galileans? 8And how is it that we hear, each of us, in our own native language? 9Parthians, Medes, Elamites, and residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, 10Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya belonging to Cyrene, and visitors from Rome, both Jews and proselytes, 11Cretans and Arabs—in our own languages we hear them speaking about God’s deeds of power.’ 12All were amazed and perplexed, saying to one another, ‘What does this mean?’, 13But others sneered and said, ‘They are filled with new wine.’

Circle of Wisdom

Last week I wrote a Facebook status that said, “Looking for ingenuity, inspiration and wisdom...”. I'm naming and enunciating that very same status with all of you now through this note. I am at a place in life, in my seminary journey namely, where I am needing to gather wise and imaginative people around me for advice and inspiration. Some aspects of my request come out of simply needing to help problem solve; some lie in the realm of needing rejuvenation from working so hard for so long without much true Sabbath in between. I'm looking for trusted people made up of different ages and backgrounds to gather around me in a circle of wisdom.

Glimpse of the Issue:
Two years ago I made a commitment to God, the Austin Seminary community, my home faith community and to myself to follow a calling and go to seminary. That first year I juggled teaching full time and school. I quickly discovered I could not do both together sane-fully :-). So, I put forth everything I had (sold my home and cashed in my TRS savings) to go to school full time and live on campus. Additionally, at the same time, I made the decision that I needed to switch degree plans to provide me with a more professionally balanced educational base that could potentially open more employment opportunities after I graduated. Financially and emotionally that was not part of the plan but I believed God's hand was upon me and somehow everything would work itself out. Along the way in the last year, God has given me confirmation that I'm where God wants me to be. Not only have I grown intellectually and spiritually, but I just completed a successful hospital internship and am currently interning in a congregational setting with nurturing and faithful people. I've made strides in wrestling with some of my inner conflicts to push my own self out of the way in order to be open and available to hear God's rhythms in and around others, which ultimately leads to having the pastoral skills to help others find God for themselves in spite of any brokenness.

With all that all said, even though I am working two campus jobs, receive a substantial tuition scholarship and small student loans, my original monetary means have just about run out. I am looking for a circle of wisdom to surround me with prayer and help me come up with creative solutions. That's the problem solving aspect. The flip side of the same coin is the aspect of what I call, infused refreshment. It's the encouragement of inspiration and knowing that support is given in acceptance, understanding and love. It's not the hand out but the hand up. It's the arm around the shoulder in prayer. It's seeing the finish line in the distance and knowing there's a glass of water being held out from the sidelines. It's sharing in a bit of healing fun. It's all reciprocal, grace-filled and God blessed, and thus much appreciated.

Please consider being apart of my circle of wisdom. I actually would like to have a get-together with folks soon where I can gather ideas and brainstorm ways I can “survive” and thrive in the next 18 months or so. (I hope to graduate in May 2011, but may be able to finish coursework as early as the end of the 2010 fall term. At the start of this coming spring semester, I'll have 125 credits completed toward the 180 needed to earn a MDiv., so that means I'll have 55 credits left to graduate after this coming January, each course being typically six credits each. )

Circle of Wisdom
If you're willing to be apart of the meeting circle, please leave a comment to indicate that and your availability. If not, I would be blessed by a note of encouragement, and or an idea you can share with me. Please include me in your prayers and how I might pray for you in return in Christ's love.

Much, much love,
Laurel

International Peace Day

In honor of International Peace Day, here's a fun yet practical video,

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And, here's a cookie recipe thrown in, and the cookies are called, what else but, World Peace Cookies.

Check out this blog post...it's a must

Check out this blog post...and leave me a comment on what you think. Click here

Everyday Justice: A Review

Martin Luther King Jr. writes in From Where Do We Go From Here, “All men are interdependent. Every nation is an heir of a vast treasury of ideas and labor to which both the living and the dead of all nations have contributed. ...We are everlasting debtors to known and unknown men and women. When we arise in the morning, we go into the bathroom where we reach for a sponge which is provided for us by a Pacific islander. We reach for a soap that is created by a European. Then at the table we drink coffee which is provided for us by a South American, or tea by a Chinese or cocoa by a west African. Before we leave for our jobs we are already beholden to more than half the world....We are inevitably our brother's keeper, because we are our brother's brother. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly.”

Julie Clawson addresses exactly what Martin Luther King Jr. speaks of here in her new book, Everyday Justice. Clawson’s book brings thoughtful reflection and awareness to some of the most profound and obscure breaches of justice that plague the world today. Some of the topics Clawson includes are the injustices found in coffee, clothing, and cocoa production, the car industry and the impact of oil consumption upon the environment, and even the rampant amount of waste created by a consumer society. The target audience of the book is the Christian living in America. Clawson claims that the Christian, who desires to follow the lessons of Christ and the principles of social justice within Christianity, must start to become aware and take responsibility for how consumption choices contributes and sets the stage for many of the human rights atrocities in the world today. But the book is not just for the Christian, it’s for the socially and ethically conscious individual who wants to take, as Clawson says, small steps toward a better world. It suggests small steps toward a future free of exploitation. It suggests small steps toward building a better future.

Given the controversial nature of some of the topics addressed in this book, some may criticize Clawson for not addressing all sides of every issue (the global warming debate, or the relative merits of fair trade, for instance). But given the limited scope of the book (only 206 pages) and the audience intended, it seems that Clawson’s purpose is not to argue every issue in minute detail, but instead to give practical advice for ordinary people. With every chapter, Clawson lays out the issue and provides practical real life scenarios, vignettes which she calls “Everyday Practitioner”, highlighting the individual inner conflict as well as specific “everyday” ways readers can make a difference. At the end of each chapter, she also provides recommendations of books, films and websites to look to for further information . On the chapter of Waste, she even gives a photography website that depicts a pictorial display of the impact of trash.

In conclusion, Clawson opens and closes the book with the directive, “Don’t Panic”. Yes, today’s global issues of injustice are vast and complicated but while there is no end all immediate solution, Clawson helps provide ways the individual, you and me, can play a role in helping to alleviate the injustice. Whether that is supporting the local farmer in buying local produce, recycling or buying fair trade coffee and chocolate products, the action provides a message that injustice is not tolerated. In many of Martin Luther King’s speeches, he often quoted from his book, Remaining Awake Through a Great Revolution, “Through our scientific and technological genius, we have made of this world a neighborhood and yet...we have not had the ethical commitment to make of it a brotherhood. But somehow, and in some way, we have to do this. We must learn to live together as brothers. Or we all will perish as fools. We are tied together in the single garment of destiny, caught in the inescapable network of mutuality” Picking up Clawson’s book will help make the brotherhood of man one step closer to becoming a reality. Here is a direct link link off Amazon for purchase, click on me

Stages of Love

As I try to get adjusted to a new schedule and changes in life, and quite frankly feeling pretty disoriented right now, I remember back to something I learned this past summer from my CPE friend Dale. The way out of human suffering and thus being close to the divine nature of God (reaching the house of God) is done in the following ways according to the Buddhist:

Metta - Loving Kindness
Karuna - Compassion
Mudita - Joy (Need to be joyful...only bringing joy to others)
Upeksha - Equanimity

These things are called in Buddhism, the Brahma Viharas, or the Houses (Abodes) of God, the Divine. Dale explained that it's a subjective reality that does not exist separate from humanity. It's another way of seeing life. Something to think about.

As a silly aside, the juxtaposition of my life right now and this concept reminds me of the classic musical scene in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head. Okay, maybe it's a stretch but nevertheless, a classic childhood favorite and who can doubt that Paul Newman does not bring shared joy :-).

Welcome to the New

I have not blogged for what seemed like weeks. Fresh start today. Today is the first day of the new semester. New classes, new experiences....and drag, what comes with it all, getting used to a whole new schedule. It also includes new discipline. With classes, working two campus jobs and a church internship, I enter overwhelmed but not daunted. Albeit, a part of me is holding my feet a bit firm not wanting to go any further, digging them into the dirt, afraid of getting too close to the edge of the precipice....What happens if I fall! The new is scary. This past Sunday, my home church had a blessing for me as I start my church internship this school year at another church. I brought my friend Lindsay with me. (As myself, it was her last Sunday to go where ever she wanted before she started her SPM requirement, so I was honored that she came to my church with me.) Lindsay and I met two years ago when we attended our seminary orientation. Even though I commuted my first year and she lived on campus, we maintained the connection we started at orientation. Our friendship grew and changed (cemented) this past year when I moved onto campus and went to school full time. She is very dear and like a sister (even our dogs are dear friends). When I met her, I was in a completely new venture. I was just trusting God. I had no idea about what the future may hold. Entering my third year of seminary, I remember how God gave me the gift of her friendship and how that gift blossomed. Totally unexpected. I enter the new, trusting God will take me to the unexpected and yet things will continue to come together...change, adapt and blossom. And, as one of my professors wrote me recently, I will thrive in the new. And, as in the prayer that I received this past Sunday, with God's grace, I will be equal to the challenge. Welcome to the new. I just heard a bird outside my bedroom window signaling in a new day...and so it begins.

CPE....the best of times and the worst of times

I know; it's been forever since I last posted. Thank the CPE experience for that and it's aftermath of sheer, unadulterated exhaustion. On that note, here is a very short synopsis (extremely hard to do) about my travels this summer in the land of CPE, which I wrote for the first issue of Kairos, the APTS student newsletter.

I recently came across a word I’ve never seen before. The word, susurrus (pronounced soo-sur-uhs), means a soft murmuring, rustling sound, or whisper. The imprint of one’s summertime hospital internship story , also known as CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education), is unique and indelible on one’s ministerial path in the life-altering way that only God could susurringly do. It’s the same rustling of God that confirms that life will never quite be the same again because of the experience attained. Toward the end of CPE, a fellow intern and I joked that the day we graduate from CPE was the day we meet Jesus, the Eschaton itself. This same friend even went so far to call the CPE experience, Priest Boot Camp. Although arduous, for me the blessed triumphs far out weighed those moments of despair. I discovered new capabilities within myself through CPE. I learned what it meant to inhibit a growing sense of pastoral identity and authority. I learned how the pastoral role could fit as a team player with interdisciplinary hospital and medical support staffs. I learned how to minister one-on-one with people with different demographics and of different religions; and to those in crisis; and in those breathtaking moments of honor, whether that was being with a woman that delivered her baby unexpectedly on the way to the hospital, or grandchildren telling their grandmother, recently taken off life support, detailed stories of how she enriched each of their lives in love. CPE also meant dealing with vulnerability head-on. It was through becoming aware of my blind sides that I was able to take this newly bred honesty and allow an emerging relationship to form in acceptance of myself, and how I can better relate to others. Finally, CPE gave way to God’s susuration to trust for a future and a hope.

We try to "fix" the world

One of the things I've learned in CPE this semester is not to "fix" others or a situation. By all means one can help others find meaning and help for themselves but we cannot do it for them. My friend Nikki wrote a sermon a couple of weeks back on this exact topic. Let me know your thoughts and hope you enjoy the read.

The Church Doesn’t Need Your Commodore 64, or What Are Your Family Priorities?

This summer, we’ve been looking at the stories of David and trying to discover what we can learn about ourselves, and our families, through these stories. So far, we’ve been challenged not to pigeon hole ourselves, or others, into rigid roles. We’ve been encouraged to live into trying out new dances for ourselves, as well as, to honor the dances of others. We’ve been reminded that we are called to live, and even to disagree, in love. We’ve been asked to move beyond our comfort zones realizing that God does not want us to be a stagnant people, but rather a people of change. And finally last week, we looked at David’s imperfect family life and reminded ourselves that the people of the bible were not perfect – just like we are not perfect. Yet we are all part of God’s good story.

Today, I have the honor of sharing with you the story of David and the building of the temple – well really the conception of the idea of building a temple, or house, for God.

But before we get, there I have a confession. I’m not sure if you know this about Tim, but he is very organized when it comes to his sermons. He has his scriptures, themes and topics laid out months in advance. So it was no surprise that when he originally asked me in April to preach for him today that he also provided me his initial outline for the sermon. I read the first line…David lives in house, God lives in tent and then I read his suggested sermon title The Church Doesn’t Need your Commodore 64, or What Are your Families Priorities? I remember thinking, “oh this one is going to be easy.” I mean I remember this story from grade school – David takes care of his own needs first before taking care of God. God gets upset. David’s priorities are all wrong. Fast forward to today. Where are our priorities? Get them straight. Amen. Phew thank goodness that sermon is over!

So being the good responsible seminary student that I am, I sat down last Sunday and actually read today’s scripture. Imagine my surprise, when the story that I recalled from my childhood did not exactly match up with the story that I was reading. I spent an hour searching for the version that I recalled…I didn’t find it. It’s amazing what happens when you actually read the Bible. I don’t know about you, but when I take the time to read the Bible sometimes I actually see things in a different way…or see things that I missed before… or see something that someone (thank you grade school Sunday school teacher!) forgot to tell me or glossed over or maybe they really did tell me but I wasn’t listening.

The more I read and struggled with the differences of my initial understanding of this story and what I was reading, I realized that Tim’s outline didn’t fit so well to what I felt God was calling me to share.

Now don’t go back to Tim and tell him that I think he is wrong! The church still does not need your outdated commodore 64 home computer from the 1980s. And I still think that this story is about priorities and values. I just see it in a different light now.

If you recall, the original twelve tribes had settled in the promised land. The ten tribes that
settled in the north were known as Israel. The remaining two tribes settling in the south were known as Judah. To make matters confusing, collectively, all of the tribes together (that is all 12) are called the people of Israel. So we have to be careful when we say Israel. Are we talking about the whole twelve or the northern subset of ten tribes? – confusing stuff, I know. Nonetheless, Saul is king over Israel, the whole. He dies. Judah, the two southern tribes, recognize David as king. Israel (the ten northern tribes) recognize the son of Saul, Ish-ba-al, as king.

Long story short, Ish-ba-al is assassinated and David is made king over all of Israel (the whole twelve tribes). Although the twelve tribes were “God's children” it is evident that they were variations in their political loyalties, religious customs and traditions. Imagine that! We don’t have anything like that in our modern world, do we? I mean, everyone in this room supports the same politicians, believe the same things, and practice the same way? Right? Don’t we? Hmm…

Well to bridge the gaps between the northern tribes and the southern tribes, David establishes Jerusalem in Judah as the political capital and spiritual center for all tribes. We read last week how he moved the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem in an attempt to form a common ritual between the north and the south.

So David has established Jerusalem as the permanent capital of all of Israel. As leader of this nation, he has a house built for himself -- a nice house of cedar. Cedar symbolizing strength and beauty and therefore demonstrating the power of God. So David is looking around his house admiring its beauty and strength, looks out the window and sees God living in – well -- a tent! For the ancient people of Israel, it was believed that God resided in the ark and the ark usually resided in a tent. As nomads, they had carried God with them everywhere. Once in the promised land, the people began to plant roots…to settle down…to build more permanent like homes. David thinks to himself, I live in this nice house, God definitely deserves to live somewhere better than a tent. I’m going to do the right thing and build God a house! He tells Nathan the prophet of his plans. Nathan agrees God deserves better …

and THIS is the part where God is supposed to be angry that David had his priorities wrong. That God's house should have been built first...enter the rage and anger of the Old Testament God…followed by David’s shame…but that’s not what we read.
God comes to Nathan in a vision or dream and tells him to ask of David “Are you the one to build me a house to live in?” “Have I ever asked you or anyone else to build me a house?” Uh-ooh! Did God really want a house? I mean it was a good idea, right? God deserves the best or at least the best we can offer God within the limits of our humanity. Was David wrong for wanting to do something for God? I personally don’t think so. I think where David missed the mark was that he did not include God in his decisions. He didn’t ask God, “how do you want to use me?”

How often are we guilty of that? How often do we act without first checking in with God? I mean we do a lot of really good things around here. We provide money to our local church and the church at large. We give special mission offerings for Global Ministries and other outreach organizations. We volunteer to help out with Vacation Bible School. We send our kids to youth camps and on mission trips. We write letters, send cards, and make phone calls. We serve as elders, deacons, Stephen ministers, musicians, Sunday school teachers, preparers, helpers, and so on. All very good stuff!

Outside the church some of us volunteer for the food pantry at Bethany Christian Church or serve meals downtown at ARCH. Many of us provide money to very worthy charitable organizations. We volunteer at our children’s schools. We care for our neighbors. We seek justice for the weak and underprivileged. We give our time, our talents and monies to worthy causes. Again, all very good stuff and all part of OUR mission to love God and love neighbors…But do we take the time to include God in our decisions?

Could it be that we are so busy doing good stuff --- stuff that is no doubt important – but still so busy that we are missing the one specific thing that God wants us to be doing? Or maybe, like with David, we are so busy trying to do good that we miss an opportunity for God to do something for us? In our story today, instead of wanting David to build God a house, God tells David that “the Lord will establish a house for you.”

The text doesn’t clearly say here why, but it is implied that if David builds a house for God then that may get in the way of the house or the kingdom that God wants to build for and through David. For you see, even a great king like David can’t do it all!

Many of you know that in addition to my seminary studies, I’m also pursing a masters of social work at the University of Texas. In the social work program we learn how to relate to people, counsel others, organize events, manage organizations, create policy, and more. Although all of the classes have been very insightful, by far my favorite class has been my Social Justice class.

Each week we attempted to take an honest look at the injustices of the society we live in: racism, sexism, ageism, able-ism, classism – and yes the list of –isms goes on and on. Of course we could not do justice (no pun intended) to each of the topics. Instead, we merely scratched the surface of such important issues facing our society. I left class every week so compelled to make a difference in that particular week’s topic. As you can imagine, I quickly become overwhelmed. How can I make a difference in all these areas? How can I possibly decide that one –ism, or issue, deserves more attention than another? Who has time to write letters, make phone calls, research which companies to boycott and which companies are safe to purchase from, organize petitions, participate in sit-ins, and so on. I mean everything is so important because everyone is so important.

I found myself so overwhelmed that I felt paralyzed. I couldn’t do anything. Stuck. Drowning in feelings of urgency of need and shame for my inability to do anything. It was just all too much. Until one day my spiritual director and friend said “Stop. Did God really ask you to take on every issue and personally solve them all?” “Have you asked God what part, if any, you are supposed to take on?”

“Well, um no” I replied. I hadn’t really thought of or even asked God what, if anything, that God specifically wanted me to do. Guilty like David.

As Christians, I firmly believe in God's commandment that we love God and love our neighbors. I’m not suggesting that we necessarily stop doing the good things that we do. What I am suggesting is that we line up our priorities with the priorities God has for our lives. In many ways, our actions may stay the same, the difference is God's inclusion. The only way I know of including God is to ask and then listen. Loving God implies relationship with God. Successful relationships must include communication, attention, and time. Without such elements we really don’t have relationship at all.

May we seek to do good in the world based on the priorities that God holds for each of us. Amen!