Cool People....Responses, etc.

I've told myself all week that I need to blog...I set this up to write everyday as a discipline, for me if not for others who might stubble across my page. I've had a bumpy start to the semester in terms of falling into a pattern and so here I am more than a week later since my last blog, and still needing to write....so, a new start once again.

Statements of fact not just singing the blues...I was a shy and awkward little kid, not to mention pitifully ugly without a strong and loving family base. Namely, I was never even considered a semi-popular kid, or someone sought out...with the exception of a few friends, I was basically the odd kid out. Even though my adult life is not like this and I see the upshot of my childhood instilling in me a tenacity and independent spirit, some of those early attributes and self constructional perceptions catch up to me today.

Since giving up recently those things that gave me a sense of affirmation, career, home, etc., I've been a bit lost on my identity. In some ways through this loss, I've reverted back to those crazy childhood constructs. With that said, from start to finish, last Monday was an exercise in what constitutes a defeated day. Late Monday night, I posted a facebook status that said, "Laurel is definitely not accepted among the cool people, which leaves her no real purpose except to love God in her own very uncool way." I want to share my responses (to remind myself mostly of their truth) and explain what drove my writing of the status.
The responses:
*As part of the uncool crowd I welcome you. I enjoy what I learn from you.
*seems to me it was the uncool people Jesus spent the most time with :) you are a blessed child of God, just the way God knit you in the womb. that's my mantra for every day, along with my continual prayer to "let that be enough." plus what a**** and n**** said!
*Agreed. I am just not like other 'Christians' in the sense of 'values' and 'beliefs'? I guess I am more focused on Jesus and the Love He gave when He died for us... but it feels like so many Christians like to instead force their views and opinions on other, more weaker parties. If I become close with a Christian brother or sister it doesn't take long for their true colors to show, and their rigid xxxxxxxx chases me away.
*The cool people are over rated. Best to be at the seminary with the supergeeks!
and, I love you and I'm not cool.

Good reminders of truth. I sent the status because I felt a sense of being discounted, patronized and compared as lesser than. My feelings entirely and maybe not in absolute truth. However, this I do recognize....there are people I know who are excited about a direction/fresh possibilities attainable in modern American Christianity. That's wonderful, truly...but they do something that many people have done before them. In their thrust of excitement, they refer to themselves as "cool", they are drawn to what seems edgy and counter-culture, they become obsessed in their own construct and leave behind judgment. They can devalue tradition and morales that some hold on as truth...in trying to get past hurt, they rush past the good in history and the beauty that can be found in religion. The church gravely sins and people gravely sin. I want to forgive. I want to be loved. I want to heal. I want to love. I want to remember the cross and what it symbolizes. And, so do they. But there is no they...only we.