Broken Bench

I thought with Spring Break this week, I would blog everyday, get lots of reading done, start writing papers, rest, etc. But not too much of that happened. I did clean the apartment and get some reading done and I even rested some. I also did the practical and paid bills for the month and completed other paperwork (but not my taxes :-( ); but, still did not get the leg up I wanted to...or did I. I find for myself, with my tenacious spirit, often pushing myself way too hard. I don't take the time to just relax...to join in the rhythm and communion of Sabbath. How often I do not take the time to simply sit in the quiet. Even when I'm "vegging", I'm surfing the Internet, several screens open at once, looking at YouTube, checking out Facebook statuses, checking e-mail, like every five seconds. Insanity. Many of us are caught in this trap of over stimulation. The have tos...I have to do this, I have to do that. And, having to be over stimulated. This spring break I earnestly took the time to be more quiet. I took the time to put aside some of my franticness.

Some of my franticness, besides a heavy class load, is steeped in leaving behind one identity and forming a new one, somewhat unknown. It was not easy for me to shed the skin of educator and home owner after so many years. It's not been easy to recover from the loss of proximity to dear friends. (oh yeah and one more identity shift...I'm thrilled that I was able to find an internship in a congregational setting for next year, but it's at a church very different from my own and will temporarily take me away from my home church) Albeit, I'm developing I new identity and meeting new individuals that enrich my soul and give my spirit refreshment. I'm learning to re-trust myself and my instincts. I'm re-remebering what makes me unique and what experiences and what life journeys make me, well me. I'm learning to trust God, stronger as ever. Some days are harder than others. Identities change...part of the human experience. Which leads me to the title of this post. A week ago last Monday, the reality of living in the country's current financial crisis hit home at my seminary. Because of it's vastly shrinking endowment (how the seminary runs itself, 'endowment driven' as its termed), they let go of nine positions and seven people, some of whom had been working at the seminary many, many years. The sadness and grief of the loss hit this tight community very hard. It was hard to truly understand it all and see past its immediate impact. After first learning of the news. I walked toward campus from my apartment and noticed a bench that my friend Lindsay and I sit on while our dogs play on the grass. It was broken in two, the break right through the middle. It was analogous to me as the break in our community, the break in my old life. A space shared in communion with people in moments of time. Living life in desired yet imperfect earnestness. A few days later after the news had settled and healing from prayer and processing started to take root, I came across the same broken bench, now fixed with fresh unvarnished wood. The bench different but somehow now sturdier than it was before could be sat on again..... "...perhaps we are a people, who, during the difficulties and hardships of our times, bear witness to the promise of new life." That quote is from my friend Paul's editorial in the school's weekly publication, Kairos. To read the entire article, go to, http://austinseminary.typepad.com/portal/kairos.html, issue174 for March 13.

I lean into recognizing the pain and brokenness, and then the concept of the promise of new life.