CPE....the best of times and the worst of times

I know; it's been forever since I last posted. Thank the CPE experience for that and it's aftermath of sheer, unadulterated exhaustion. On that note, here is a very short synopsis (extremely hard to do) about my travels this summer in the land of CPE, which I wrote for the first issue of Kairos, the APTS student newsletter.

I recently came across a word I’ve never seen before. The word, susurrus (pronounced soo-sur-uhs), means a soft murmuring, rustling sound, or whisper. The imprint of one’s summertime hospital internship story , also known as CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education), is unique and indelible on one’s ministerial path in the life-altering way that only God could susurringly do. It’s the same rustling of God that confirms that life will never quite be the same again because of the experience attained. Toward the end of CPE, a fellow intern and I joked that the day we graduate from CPE was the day we meet Jesus, the Eschaton itself. This same friend even went so far to call the CPE experience, Priest Boot Camp. Although arduous, for me the blessed triumphs far out weighed those moments of despair. I discovered new capabilities within myself through CPE. I learned what it meant to inhibit a growing sense of pastoral identity and authority. I learned how the pastoral role could fit as a team player with interdisciplinary hospital and medical support staffs. I learned how to minister one-on-one with people with different demographics and of different religions; and to those in crisis; and in those breathtaking moments of honor, whether that was being with a woman that delivered her baby unexpectedly on the way to the hospital, or grandchildren telling their grandmother, recently taken off life support, detailed stories of how she enriched each of their lives in love. CPE also meant dealing with vulnerability head-on. It was through becoming aware of my blind sides that I was able to take this newly bred honesty and allow an emerging relationship to form in acceptance of myself, and how I can better relate to others. Finally, CPE gave way to God’s susuration to trust for a future and a hope.